Oh the memories!

Somehow yesterday I ended up looking through my recycling bin on my computer, and I came across a very intriguing document. It was title NEVER OPEN THIS. So, of course, I opened it. And this is what it was.


A story about katelyn:
One day, Katelyn was eating South America and five kittens. Anyways. So like. *giggle giggle* then an old smelly man who was thrifty-seven years old spit on Katelyn She took this as a sign of flirting and said "dude, you're such a creeper. I'm too young for you. Do you know how young I am? I'm a youngling." Then the old creeper threw her in the truck and took her away to his mucus plantation. But she yelled "YOU DECREPIT AND ANCIENT AND ROTTING OLD MAN" and then all of a sudden....a unicorn named Dandora leapt from the sky in a burst of rainbow flames and started singing Ring of Fire, in a creepy stalkerish Egyptian manner. The unicorn had a rat on its shoulder. Named Steve. Anyways. Steve said "gimme your food gimme your food gimme your dogs gimme your cats!" And Katelyn was like "Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmm....I'ma eat you. I'ma eat you GOOD." And the rat was like "I no et! I no et! I no et!" and then he burst into.....flowers. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand then the decrepit old man said "In a world with no socks, how does one eat rocks?" And it was a riddle of sorts, so Katelyn solved it and said "One does not eat rocks in the first place. One eats spaghettiios. And alligators." And then Katelyn pulled out a can of allighettios and said "demonstration..." and ate them in a severely passionate manner.  And then Tom cruise ran in and said "I'm gonna market your allighettios" and Katelyn said "not on your life you decrepit old man" and then tom cruise dissolved into a pile of mucus, and the old thrifty-seven man put tom cruise's mucus into his mucus plantation, where it grew many smaller tom cruise mucus piles. And then Kris Allen came at the same time as Chris Martin and they ran into each other and accidentally morphed into one called Kris Martin. And then Kaela ran in and ate him. And then ran away. And she spit him back out and married him. DUN DUN DUUUUUUN.

Chapter also:
Oh wait. There's nothing left to say. Katelyn grew to a full thrifty-two years old and married Dell Taco.  THE END.

But wait! There was another one. This one was titled THIS NEITHER.

ONE DAY KATELYN WAS WALTZING THROUGH THE PARK WHEN SUDDENLY SHE FELL THROUGH A HOLE IN THE GROUND WHICH WENT RIGHT INTO THE HOLE IN TIMPVIEW, BECAUSE APPARENTLY THE PARK WAS ON THE ROOF OF TIMPVIEW. Anyways so she fell through this hole and suddenly there was a huge crash and a bang and some huge explosion and John fell out of the sky and also into the hole and Katelyn was like "Oh John!" and he was like "I'm not John, I'm Christian" and she looked and it was actually not either of them, but....Marshall Nelson. And he was all like "What the heck?! I just got possessed by John and Christian at the same time! Wow. That was weird." And Katelyn was like "dang. That's awkward." and he was like "yeah. Well anyways, I'm madly in love with you. Will you marry me?" and she was like "HECK YES!! THREE HUSBANDS IN ONE!" and then Marshall held his hand up and she put her hand on his and he was like "Let lips do as hands do" and she was like "have a party??" and he was like "Yeah that works." And their lips had a party. Needless to say, it was a pretty ragin' party. THE END.

Yeah. Those two stories pretty much sum up my middle school experience. He he. I love you Kate!

                                                  Your obedient,
                                                             Th. Jefferson


  1. Wow, I totally remember helping Kate write that first story. And I remember those delicious cookies. Heh heh. Good times....like a string of gold cheese.

  2. ................................................................................................That was me trying to collect myself enough to say anything. Wait, not done yet.............................................................................................Ok we're good. Yeah, that was hysterical. And I totally remember when these were being written. As I recall, they were followed by pizza, soda, and making fun of Benjy's skankiness in 1776. ... It's a good thing middle school is over.

  3. I loved the last story...oh the things our friends do...oh wait, I used to write some pretty crazy stories...;)

  4. I swear I dis not write the first one! Oh my gosh. I can't....I just.....ah......blurgh....*sputter mumble etc*

  5. *ahem* Might I say that the "3 husbands in one" sounds and awful lot like my theory of Katelyn wanting 3 (or more) of one husband. See Kate and I are (or at least at one point were) on the same frequency here.