The Beginning

       I did it. I finally found a beginning  for "The Girls and I" that I feel good about. It took me forever (by forever I mean practically the whole school year). But I really like this. I think it works. Here's what I've got so far.

        "It was coming home that was the worst. It was like while we had been in the hospital, time had stopped, life had stopped. Walking out of the hospital, back into the real world, the world I lived in, life seemed to un-pause itself. Only everything seemed wrong. The early morning sun glared too brightly off the buildings. People talked too loud, cars whisked by too fast. It took too much effort to walk, to breath.
Neither Dad or I said a word the whole car ride from the hospital to our apartment building. I was still crying a little. The tears came in short bursts, silent and sharp.  My whole body was so exhausted- from crying, from fear, from shock. My brain had all but shut off. I felt numb, I felt nothing. But somewhere in me, the sadness was still coming out in those short bursts, silent and sharp.
Dad didn't cry. He just sat there, staring out the windshield, gripping the steering wheel, staring at nothing. He was stiff, I swear he didn't even blink. I was terrified by his stillness. It had been better when he had paced up and down the hospital halls for an hour, when he had yelled at Grandpa for making him leave Mom. Even when he had finally collapsed and sobbed into his hands it had been better than this silence. At least then I had known he was alive, that, even though his hand was wrapped in bandages and his face was covered in cuts, he was okay. Now he looked too much like Mom. He looked dead."

Yeah? You like? 

Your obedient, 
                     Th. Jefferson


  1. That is so good! I couldn't stop reading! I WANT MORE! :D
    But I saw one error: It should be "Neither Dad NOR I said..." instead of or. Sorry...I had to point it out. :p

  2. OHMYGOSHYOUWROTE. Merlin's Beard, Lindsey. That is so so so so incredible. Honestly, this is fantastic. (And I'm awfully glad to see you're writing again. This'll mean more soon, right? Right?) Wow. I just can't get over how good this is. I'll send you a nice long email going into more detail, but that would be way too long for this comment, so I'll stop. Fabulous work, sis!