Slightly terrifying newness

Today, as I was sitting at the dining room table, setting up my new online checking account, figuring out my new job training, looking at all the new books for my new classes, and thinking of all the new things I'm going to be doing in the next couple weeks, I got a little terrified.

I have had the same life for so long. Most of my friends I've had since elementary and middle school. I went to the same dance studio, with mostly the same girls and same teachers, since I was five. I've lived in the same house since I was four. I can't remember going to any ward but the one I live in now. While my life has changed since I first started kindergarten, it has always changed one piece at a time. I have never faced as much change in my life as I am at the moment.

I feel so out of my element; there is so much about my soon-to-be life that I don't know. Everything is about to change. I kind of feel like I've jumped off a cliff. No, I feel like Indiana Jones in the Last Crusade when he takes that step, that leap of faith, into what seems to be a bottomless chasm. I have no idea what's about to happen, how this is going to all pull together, how I'm going to handle all this new stuff.

My life has been so good. I am so happy where I am right now. If someone were to offer me a chance to freeze time, to just keep things how they are right now, I would be very tempted to accept that offer.

But that would be a terrible idea.

I cannot stay in the same place anymore. I need this, this terrifying, overwhelming amount of newness. Whatever is coming next, it's going to be even better than what I have now. I just need to have faith in that, especially the next couple weeks as things are getting started. Getting started has always been one of my biggest weaknesses.



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