Fall Quotes 2016

In high school my friends and I were really good about writing down the funny stuff people would say. I've gotten out of the habit of doing that, but the past few months I've been trying to write things down again. So here's my Fall 2016 collection of quotes, I think they're pretty hilarious.

"Your brain works exclusively on glucose, except when it doesn't."
- Professor Wood

Mom: "I made muffins yesterday."
Matthew: "I know, I'm very aware of all the food in this house."

"The Old Spaghetti Factory is gross. You're just eating old spaghetti. In the middle of a factory. It's quite inconvenient for the workers."
- Spencer

"Chocolate keeps us warm."
- Kinslee, age 3

"You don't have to have a #5 pizza. We might disown you if you don't, but you don't have to have it."
- Grandma to Spencer, at the Italian Village

Matthew: "My next investment will be a Costco card."
Katelyn: "Why do you want one?"
Matthew: "So I can buy food in bulk."
Spencer: "You don't need anymore bulk." (slaps Matt on the stomach)

"When I get elected president, I'm going to pain the White House off white."

"Whenever my friend has a really bad dating experience, she watches marriage proposal fails."
- Random student

"Well speak of the devil!" (points to Trump on TV)
- Sister Ferrin

"If you have a problem with pornography, then pluck your eye out. Get rid of your smartphone, get a flip phone and look like a drug lord instead."
- President Ferrin, during stake conference

"If I ever end up living in Idaho, there's a good chance I will ... move."

"One Direction, is that the name of the band? I always get it wrong and call them One Dimension."
- Mom

And here's two old ones I recently found that I never shared. 

"What do they do on the 4th of July in England, sit around and act angry?"

"Mom, just random question, doesn't mean anything, do you have a will?"

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